We always associated Gandhi with
morality and ethics. Sex being a misunderstood essential
component of our life has always been ignored to discuss from
Gandhian perspectives. Time and again sex has been considered as
a sin, ugly, animal, dirty, madness, immoral, evil, and abnormal
a barrier between you and God. What lesson we can learn from
Gandhi's life on sexuality and sexual health? Was Gandhi a
lustful human being? Did Gandhi transform the sexual energy into
spiritual and social energy? Did Gandhi say "Kastuba is my
mother"? Was Gandhi a faithful husband? What makes Gandhi so
strong, influential and powerful? Can we extract some messages
from the Gandhi's sexuality for today's youth for a healthier,
safer and happier lifestyle?
Unwanted pregnancies, abortion
complications, raped, sexual harassment, extramarital affairs,
promiscuity, pedophilia, STDs and HIV/AIDS are more common and
visible in the present world. When Gandhi was 16 his wife was
pregnant and his father was nearing death. Gandhi was tending
his father when his uncle came to relieve him. The young man
returned to his room where his wife asleep he woke her and began
to satisfy his lustful desire. Within minutes a servant knocked
and said, "Your father is no more." Gandhi said "This shame of
my carnal desire even at the critical hour of my father's
death... is a blot I have never been able to efface of forget,
and I have always thought that although my devotion to my
parents knew no bounds ...yet it was weighed and found
unpardonably wanting because my mind was at the same moment in
the grip of lust. I have therefore regarded myself as a lustful,
though a faithful husband. It took me long to get free from the
shackles of lust, and I had a pass through many ordeals before I
could overcome it"
Sex is a natural instinct; Gandhi
was also the victim and victor of sex. Sex despite modernity and
our liberal scientific education remains coloured by shame and
taboos, but for Gandhi the shame includes his lack of self
restraint and this in turn led his failing to meet the duty to
nurse his sick father. The shackles of lust thus become a sign
of his weaknesses and inadequacy. The moral of the story is sex
can distract your attention and focus if you could not restraint
yourself.
During his law studies in England
Gandhi met with an old lady in a restaurant. She helped him to
explain the menu, which was in an alien language to Gandhi
'French'. She invited him to her house and became good friend.
An interesting incident has taken place while Gandhi was in the
company of that old lady. Gandhi writes, "Ever since we met at
Brighton you have been kind to me. You have taken care of me
even as a mother of her son. You also think that I should get
married and with that view you have been introducing me to young
ladies. Rather than allow matters to go further, I must confess
to you that I have been unworthy of your affection. I should
have told you when I began my visits to you that I was married.
I knew Indian student in England dissembled the fact of their
marriage and I followed the suit. I now see that I should not
have done so. I must also add that I was married while yet a boy
and am father of a son. I am pained that I should have kept this
knowledge from you so long. But I am glad God has given me the
courage to speak out the truth. Will you forgive me? I assure
you I have taken no improper liberties with the young lady you
were good enough to introduce me. I KNEW MY LIMITS....I must
speak the truth. If after this, you do not reject me but
continue to regard me as worthy of your hospitality, which I
will spare no pains to deserve, I shall naturally be happy and
count it a further token of your kindness ."
The above writings of Gandhi
clearly reflect his courage, commitment, convictions, and faith
in "Truth is God" irrespective of its consequences. He, who is
clean within cannot remain unclean without. Any tainted person
could have taken the advantage of liberties to satisfy the
carnal desire but for Gandhi sex was not a mere physical
interaction it's beyond it. His courage to speak the truth shows
his will to remain faithful to his wife and his staunch faith in
God. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in
trouble. It also reflects his love, care and trust on his wife
and himself. Today individual and family norms and values are
breaking down. Mother, sister, daughter and wife are no safer,
daily thousands of innocent girl is being raped, molested and
harassed. A man who behaves like a beast is worse than the
beast. Today we have many civilized beast in the form of human.
Gandhi was more modern than today's generations, modernity
should not be judged from flimsy clothes and cosmetics wearing
on the body but how beautiful you are from within. How Gandhi
managed to speak the truth? What was the reason behind that?
Gandhi was born and brought up in an electric religious
environment. His parents were deeply spiritual and God fearing.
Parents and family plays a significant role in socializing of
child and shaping his personality. What type of children you
want? An honest, sincere, loving, caring, understanding and hard
working than you have to live a life with all these qualities
because for your child "Seeing is Believing". Your child is
watching you day and night and tries to become a person like
you. Its time you should question yourself that what type of
parent you want to be. He, who is unable to rule self, can
never succeed in ruling others. Even a little untruth destroys a
man, as a drop of poison ruin milk. Un truth corrodes the soul
and truth nourishes it. With this spirit Gandhi lived his life.
Blind is not he, who has lost his
eyes, but he, who hides his shortcomings. "I know my limits and
I must speak the truth" reflects not only Gandhi's weaknesses
but also his strength. Some time if your shortcomings come out
at the right time it becomes your strength also. A right cause
never fails; and true word never hurts in the end. The old lady
responded to Gandhi's letter as "I have your frank letter. We
were both very glad and had a hearty laugh over it. The untruth
you say you have been guilty of is pardonable. But it is well
that you have acquainted us with the real state of things. My
invitation still stands and we shall certainly expect you next
Sunday and look forward to hearing all your child marriage and
to the pleasure of laughing at your expense. Need I assure you
that friendship is not in the least affected by this incident?"
As Gandhi said, "Truth is God" the old lady might have seen the
God in Gandhi's truth. The way she has pardoned and welcomed him
to visit her place clearly reflects that ultimately it's the
truth that prevails.
While blessing a newly wed couple,
an Upanishadic sage said to the bride, "May you be the mother of
ten children and, ultimately, May your husband become your
eleventh child." If passion is transformed, the wife can become
the mother; if lust is transformed, sex can become love.
Gandhi's life illustrates the transformation of sexual energy
into spiritual, moral, social, political energy. Around 1930,
Gandhi went to Ceylon with his wife Kasturba. The host thought
that Gandhi's mother had come with him because Gandhi himself
calls her Ba, meaning mother. In the welcoming speech, the host
said how very fortunate they were to be honoured by Gandhi's
mother, who was accompanying him on his trip and was seated
beside him. Gandhi's secretary became very nervous Gandhi said,
"It is a happy coincidence that the friend who introduced me
has, by mistake, spoken the truth. In last few years Kasturba
has truly become my mother. At one time she was my wife, but now
she is my mother" Marriage is a beautiful institution of
dwelling of two souls harmoniously. It's a journey to explore
the beauty of life and love. Walk with hands in hands while
looking in the same direction. It is an opportunity to know the
beauty of life, love and care. It is a life time experience to
realize how life becomes beautiful when loves come into it.
Marriage is not a meeting of two perfect people but two
imperfect people living and loving perfectly. Like any other
relations it is also based on trust, love, care and
understanding. Frequent divorce and extra marital affairs are
common in today's world. Divorce and extra marital affairs not
only damage the relationship but also give negative repercussion
to the child development. Gandhi's relationship with his wife is
a lesson for today's youth for stability, commitment, trust,
transformational and transcendental love.
Gandhi with the consent of his
wife has taken the vow of Brahamacharya in 1906. Brahamcharya
means realization of Brahma. Brahamacharya stands for the
protection of the body, the mind and the soul. To control the
senses of thought, word and deeds. "I had been wedded to a
monogamous ideal ever since my marriage, faithfulness to my wife
being my part of the love of truth" Gandhi after discussing with
Raychandbhai about Mrs. Gladstone's devotion to her husband
question himself "What then, I asked myself, should be my
relations with my wife? Did my faithfulness consist in making my
wife the instrument of lust? So long as I was the slave of lust,
my faithfulness was worth nothing. To be fair to my wife I must
say she was never the temptress....it was my weak will or
lustful attachment that was the obstacle. Even after my
conscience had been roused in the matter, I failed twice. I
failed because the motive that actuated the effort was none the
highest....I had failed because I had no faith in my self and no
faith in the grace of God...Even when I am fifty six years; I
realize how hard a thing it is. Every day I realize to walk on
the sword's edge, and I see the every moment of eternal
vigilance. So long the thought is not under the complete control
of the will, Brahamacharya in its fullest is absent...curbing of
mind is more difficult than curbing of the wind. Nevertheless
the existence of God within makes even control of the mind
possible. Let no one think it's impossible because it's
difficult."
For a Brahamachari life becomes
perpetually renewed every day. The more one indulges oneself,
the unhappy one becomes. What seem impossible is not always
really so. Gandhi's consistent effort and faith in God has made
him successful. Purity is tested when it is tested against
impurity as the will power of Gandhi was tested many times to
break the vow. He failed twice but never loses his heart. He
promptly realized the cause for his failure and worked on it
without any delay. The secret of success is to know your
weakness and convert into strength at the earliest. Nothing is
impossible for a true devotee, having faith in God means faith
in your self. Gandhi's faith in God has helped him to maintain
the vow. Renunciation, which does not spring from the heart,
cannot be abiding. There is a popular saying that promises
renunciation and resolutions are made to be broken. This is only
true for the people those who are not true to themselves and God
from within. Man is where his mind not where his body is. As
sex lies in the mind not in the organs, organs are the agents of
expression of sexual desire. Gandhi's vow for Brahamacharya was
love for his wife and love for the truth. Brahamacharya has made
Gandhi a spiritually sound and emotionally balanced
intellectually sharp and socially more concerned humane.
Brahamacharya is not mere abstain from sex it's beyond it.
Gandhi spiritualized every aspect of life Brahamacharya was a
vow for spiritualization of sex.
Gandhi dealt with the problems,
which are timeless and universal, because they spring from the
inherent weakness of human nature and human society. Since the
solution he found for them were eternal varieties, his influence
and his relevance are also timeless and universal. It was found
that Gandhi is believed to be more relevant in the present 21st
century in this era of modern science and technology, conflict
and violence. Gandhi has touched every aspects of human life in
order to make the human's life more purposeful, peaceful,
productive, progressive and healthier.